1. Keeping it in the bathroom .

I know, I know. Probably the best light is in there, your room is small, you don’t want makeup on your carpet etc. I get it. Here is the problem. There is LOTS of moisture in the air in the bathroom, and it tends to breed mould, as well as get into your powders and make ‘em sticky. Think about this: the cleaning products you use for the bathroom are hard core- because the environment tends to breed mould. Mmmmm. MOULDY POWDER. MOULD. DELICIOUS MOULD. SO NICE. MOULDY MOULDY FACE. That, my friend, is what is breeding on your makeup. Top tip: get a pretty makeup bag to store your makeup elsewhere, and just carry it in there when you need it. It’s easier to find what you need, and it will stay nice longer.

2. Using old mascara .

Let’s all say it together. Con-Junc-tiv-itis. The preservative systems in mascara are designed to work properly for three months, after which the Bacteria start escalating. If your mascara is old, smells funny, or is flaky, THROW IT OUT. And, while we are at it, don’t share it ( or any eye product ) with anyone. ( unless you don’t like them and you actually WANT to give them an eye infection in which case WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BUT ALSO HILARIOUS BUT ALSO DON’T DO THAT.)

3. Not washing brushes, sponges, or the little powder puffs in your compact .

Ok. Have you ever had a powder product that has a film of weird grainy stuff on it? Wanna know what it is? Let me give you the breakdown. Makeup brushes touch your skin. Your skin has oil and gunk and dead skin cells floating around on it. When you put your brushes into a product ( say, eyeshadow) you are actually transferring that oil and gunk into that eyeshadow pan, where it breeds bacteria. This forms a sticky, grainy layer on top of your products. Noice. This lovely layer can also be achieved by sticking sticking your fingers directly into a powder shadow, or putting a dirty powder puff back on top of a pressed powder. Schmexy, no?

4. Keeping perfume in the car or direct sunlight.

It goes off faster. Enough said. Perfume should be kept like wine-in a cool, dark area. HELPFUL HINT: keeping your perfume somewhere hot is a great way to make very fragrant vinegar. ENJOY.

5. Concealing first, then adding foundation over the same area.

I don’t know who started this, but it needs to stop. When you apply liquid foundation over concealer, you tend to move the concealer off whatever it was you wanted to cover. This means you then have to go back and apply more concealer after foundation- making your makeup thicker and less even. Apply foundation all over and then see what you need to cover- you can even mix concealer and foundation to ensure a seamless match. The exception: colour correctors can be used under foundation, provided you stipple your foundation super carefully over the top to avoid dislodging the corrector. Oh, and while we are at it. Using pale concealer to cover pigmentation doesn’t work- it just looks ashy. Orange corrector is your new friend, followed by a matching concealer. You are welcome.

6. Dipping the mascara wand into the bottle lots of times.

I’m just going to do a tutorial on how to get a great result out of your mascara because this annoys me so much. Short version: keep brushing your wand through your lashes to spread the product evenly, rather than just dipping back in for more product and then wondering why it’s clumpy and lame and does not look like the commercial at all and now you need to take half of it off with an old eyebrow brush and it’s flaking under my eyes and why does my mascara hate me I give up. ( you know the commercial is photoshopped, right? )

7. Pumping the wand.

This puts air in the tube and it dries out faster. Geez- what did YOU learn in school?

8. Pulling your eyelids when applying eye makeup.

Just tip your head back a la Sophia Loren so you can SEE what you are doing without distorting your eye shape and prematurely stretching the skin on your eye.

9. Applying bronzer all over.

Contrary to its name, powder bronzer is NOT designed to take your whole makeup one shade darker. It’s designed to ‘shape’ the face by selectively adding warmth on cheekbones, bridge of the nose, or décolleté to simulate a sun kissed effect. The ONLY time you should consider using bronzer all over is if you are super tanned and it actually matches your face.

FAQ: what if my face is paler than my body? Can I just use darker foundation? Glad you asked. NO YOU CANNOT. Using dark foundation without actually having a tan underneath just looks orange- ask any ballroom dancer. If you are fake tanning, tan your face too. Fake tan changes the ‘base’ of your skin ( think: pink face, yellow body ) and NO amount of darker foundation will give an accurate match. I know, you are in the habit of not tanning your face because you heard it’s ageing….they are talking about sun damage, not fake tan. Oh, and these days you can get beautiful hydrating organic DHA fake tan that actually leaves your skin feeling beautiful.

N.B. If you sunbake and do not tan your face (… why are you ok with sun damage on your body? STOP. IT.) Then you can use a liquid bronzer on your face to bring your natural colour up a shade, as your natural base is still the same undertone as your sun damaged body.

Feel bad yet?

AUTHOR’S NOTE: At the end of the day, it’s your makeup, and you can do whatever you wish. PAINT YOUR FACE PURPLE AND SHOUT ‘ I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN !!!!’ if that makes you happy. Hope this article gave you a giggle and hopefully inspired you to de-gunk your makeup, I’d love to hear what you think! Xx Ellen